Yet another week has passed in Bachelor-land. And all the contestants are giving thanks and praise that finally, FINALLY the big bad evil Tierra is gone. Sent packing to take the long mini-van ride home. (Am I the only one who sees the irony that they all arrive in limos and exit in taxis or mini-van rentals?)
As upset as I was not to see the shock on her face when her name was not called at the rose ceremony, it had to be this way. Any more time and she would have managed to further manipulate Sean into keeping her crazy ass another week. While she does have skills in the manipulation department, the credit cannot be all hers because I do think that Sean may be a level one beginner-manipulator target.
Her antics were entertaining to say the least and while I spent the better part of the season laughing at her, I didn’t loathe her with all my might like most. Until last night. That tirade about how 32 is virtually ancient got her straight to the top of my shit list. News flash: 32 is NOT old. And that 32 year old you’re bashing has a body (be it with the help of a skilled surgeon) that makes yours look like something we’d find shamefully shoving Krispy Kremes in your face while you sit in your car listening to Vanessa Hudgens or whatever Disney alumni who’s most recently released an album. You are a child and because of that, the “ancient” 32 year old you bashed bested you. She got your ass good. And she got your man. All without faking illness, injury, or making big “ugly cry” on national television. She was poised and graceful and even waited until the cameras were not on her to say “YESSSSSS!” when she realized your ass was gone. Guess you won’t get to be “wit” Sean after all (please learn to speak English correctly).
Yet we expect nothing less from a woman who has grown up with parents telling her not to let other women “take her sparkle away”. That’s the problem with society today – parents make their kids feel like they are superior to other kids. But that’s another rant we don’t have time for today, so sparkle on Tierra. Sparkle on.
That was the main event of last night’s episode, obviously. Only a few other notables:
- HUGE shock that Catherine didn’t get the rose on the group date after her sad story about her dad. I guess the make-out queen strikes again. Don’t bet on her going home before the fantasy-suite cards come. Sean knows a sure thing when he sees it.
- Des managed to commandeer Sean most of the date. Not surprising that it was in a passive aggressive way. Scenes from next week that show her “thug life” wannabe brother coming at Sean look interesting. Can’t wait to see how she handles that. Demure Katie Holmes smiles all around!
- Poor poor Lesley. You were hot, but awkward. And shame on you, abc producers for letting her be a hot mess in the farewell interviews. Ol’ girl’s bra was hanging out (what she wears a bra for I have no idea because if I had boobs like that…) and she was too lost in her sorrow to notice. Be good people next time and give her the heads up – it’s not like she was the villain like you-know-who.
- Pinchy face aka “The Cougar” must have had her ass clenched so tight waiting for her name to be called. Way to save her for last, Sean.
- And last but not least, group date where Sean comes in and wakes me from a dead sleep giving me only 30 minutes to get ready to leave would NOT have gone over well. Even if I’m downing Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt every day, my bowels would need more time to work up a poop. So instead of watching the sunset, I’d have been popping a squat behind the Jeep. Not cool, Sean.
That’s that, folks. Shout out to Marky – without whom I would think these thoughts and never actually take the time to share J
Another week – well done, Traigle!
ReplyDeleteI’m going to miss me some Tiarra. I wanted her to make it to hometown dates just to see what her mama looks like. As we all know, you look to a girl’s mama to see what she will likely look like in 30 years. I anticipate Mama Tiarra to be a homely, oompa loompa type. You’re absolutely right. AshLee’s rocking 32-yr old body puts Tiarra’s 29-yr frame to shame. Tiarra’s window is closing fast to land a young guy. Trust me, there are plenty of 48-yr old pervs that would love them some Tiarra.
This has got to be the biggest bunch of train wrecks in the final 4 than I can remember. We have Army Brat rebel Lindsay who has no idea when to put the bottle down and likes to play around in wedding dresses. Catherine has Daddy-separation issues and watching an attempted suicide. AshLee has adoption-rejection issues and now we find out she’s not the brightest by getting married as a HS Junior. I’m sure we’ll find something fubar-ed with Des’ family next week (did she have the brother that was starting crap?).
Lesley had the rocking body that she had no clue what to do with. Bless her heart. She just needed to raise the “dirty whore” factor and she would have made it to the Final 4. Conversation is nice when waiting for a bus, but when you’re on a 1 on 1 date, it’s time to shove breasts into dude’s face, wrap legs around the waist, and let him insert the lizard tongue. Lesley obviously missed that memo. Hence, get your ass in the minivan and go back to being a smart ass on Capitol Hill.
That group date was lame. It was the ultimate cheap guy date. Wake up, bitches. Let’s go watch the sun rise and it’ll toss you some OJ for breakkie. Then let’s spend all day in a jeep and play at a treehouse. Yawn. Where DID those girls go potty during the day? I don’t suppose there are too many Stuckey’s or Love’s on a tropical island.
Remember to count “amazing” and take a drink when you hear it.