So I’ve been told that my sharp wit and stunning sense of humor are as such that I should write a blog featuring my thoughts on The Bachelor. (Well, maybe not in those exact words, but you get the idea). I am nothing if not a people-pleaser (HAHA!) so I shall acquiesce.
He kept the chick in the wedding dress??!!?? Really!? That had crazy written all over it with a permanent marker!
Thankfully he had the sense to send home the one who walked up singing a country song she wrote about him. You aren’t sure which one I meant? Let me narrow it down: she was orange from self tanner. Oh, wait, that won’t narrow it down at all….she wore waaaay too much makeup. Oh, wait, that doesn’t help either. Screw it. Her name was Kelly. Look her up online.
I will be very afraid to see what Paige the Jumbotron Operator who appeared on Bachelor Pad might put on her Jumbotron after as broken as she was during the rose ceremony….
On to this week:
Date 1 – Sarah
Sarah is the girl with one arm. Don’t gasp at me, it’s true. And I figure since she said it 4,357 times throughout the course of the show, it’s okay for me to say it now. Had I taken a shot for every time she brought up the fact that she only has one arm or every time the cameras guy zoomed in on the stump (that was a little weird if you ask me, normally they only zoom in on boobs) I’d have been rushed to the ER with alcohol poisoning. The date seemed to go well. Then again, he knows he better keep her at least 3 or 4 episodes lest he be the insensitive asshole who didn’t give the one-armed girl a shot at “true love”….
The premise of the date was a stupid one (as it usually is). A photo shoot for the cover of a Harlequin Romance book… does anyone still read that garbage? But of course these things are designed to cause unrest within the group and of course it did. I’m liking the Robyn chick for her frankness talking to the make-up artist about trashy hoes (LOL!). Of course Tierra is a nut job in the worst way. The second they showed her clip last week I looked over at my husband and said “You see her? That one’s crazy. Look at her eyes. Crazy eyes.” And I’m usually right about crazy eyes. Of course the “model” (which is obviously aterm used very loosely in Bachelor world since old girl looks like a man in drag sometimes) wins the contest. It’s an interesting victory to be the person who looks best on a slutty, poorly-written romance “novel” (clearly another loosely-used term). One who wasn’t crazy before, but I think has become a little hardened from the rigors of Bachelor-hopping is Kacie B. Sweet demure little Kacie showed up on night one with her goods on display and ready to rock Sean’s world. And she hasn’t backed down from being a bit harsh with the girls. She’s obviously a huge fan of being the “mentor” of the group, having been dumped on national TV once before (what a thing to be a pro at…). She gets the rose despite the fact that Sean looked about as interested in her as reading a Harlequin Romance novel (see what I did there?). Tierra was furious of course.
Date 3 – Des
Isn’t she so cutesy in a Katie Holmes-pre-Tom Cruise sort of way? The date was even dumber than the first two what with the mostly failed practical joke that wasn’t even funny. Clearly she and Sean have a lot in common with their picture-perfect familial backgrounds. Gag. It was boring so I don’t have too much to say about it.
Rose Ceremony –
Amanda apparently decided to turn on the petulant child façade. This rubbed the girls all wrong but oblivious Sean never notices (or does notice and gives her a rose anyway). Wedding Dress girl apologizes for her erratic behavior from the first night and says the “wine was flowing” which translates into “I can’t hold my liquor and if I can’t be trusted not to embarrass myself and my family on national TV, imagine what a show I’ll put on as your wife at your company Christmas parties!”. Robyn straight up asked him if he likes black girls and Sean tells the world that his last girlfriend was black (I’ll admit that I totally didn’t see that one coming). In the end there weren’t many big shockers as far as who received roses. The girl with two kids at home is going home without a daddy for them. No surprise there.
That’s all I’ve got for now!
